This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
Randomize
