HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Randomize
