How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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