Acid is not a monday night drug
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
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