i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
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my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
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