if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Randomize
