If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
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