My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
