I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
