Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
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