Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
Randomize
