i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
I deserve this hangover.
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