I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
