I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize
