It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
