i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
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