she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
So vagazzling was a success
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
I think I just sharted jello shots
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
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