Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
My balls are so social today.
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
Send help, water and tortillas.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
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