I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
I licked your asshole in confidence.
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
Randomize
