The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
