I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize
