I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
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