We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
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I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
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A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
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