imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
Randomize