hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
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