My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
My pussy is not your playground.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
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