I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
