You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize
