Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
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