So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
Randomize
