I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
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