is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize
