I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
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