1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
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