"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
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