i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
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