i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
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This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
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Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
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