I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
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