i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
