Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
I love having hate sex.
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
Randomize
