she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
Buhtt sex?
Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
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