Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
the room spins SO much faster in panama
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
Randomize
