some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
Hello my rib-scented angel!
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
Randomize
