they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
Randomize
