i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
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