its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
I should be sponsored by Trojan
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
where are my pants?
in the oven.
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
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