It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Randomize