so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
Randomize