Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
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