he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
I want you more than these girls want KFC
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
Randomize
