Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
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