are you so shy because you have an std?
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
Randomize
