He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
