shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
Randomize
