If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
Randomize
