I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
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