I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
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