I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
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I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
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