Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldnâ€™t Be More Proud
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name