you're drinking in the law library????
...not a bad idea....
probably not a good idea either.
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
Church boner. Awkwardddd
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.