I'm gonna have a badass scar
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...