New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?