thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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