JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
