You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
